As many of you may know by now Jonathan and I are expecting two little girls in late february/early march. This road has not been easy. But to HIM be the glory!
This pregnancy started off with a bang. We found out right after we returned from our 4th of July trip to Portland. It was such a great trip and we had an amazing time with friends and family. I didn't feel exceptionally great on the trip. I couldn't really put my finger on it, but I just wasn't myself. I took a pregnancy test the day after I got back and my to my surprise it said pregnant. I was in complete and total shock. Honestly I know and knew that God can and could work miracles but I had resolved myself to the fact that children of our own may not be in the cards for our family.
I had always envisioned the day that I would actually be pregnant. I would find out on my own, not be hysterical and find a really cute way to break the wonderful news to Jonathan. In reality, I started screaming at 6:00 am. Needless to say he thought something was seriously wrong with me.
At 7 weeks we had a little bit of a scare and I had to go in that day unplanned to the doctor to make sure everything was ok. This was our first ultrasound. We were both terrified and excited at the same time. Terrified that something was wrong or we had lost the baby we had waited so long for, excited at the prospect of seeing that little one. Thats when everything changed......... We found out that day we were having 2 babies!
When you struggle with infertility and then actually get pregnant everything is heightened. I'm not sure what its like for someone who hasn't struggled, I'm sure they still freak out and are concerned. I bought a fetal doppler so we could attempt to listen to them whenever we want. Any cramp or twinge of pain is followed by an hour long google search.
At about 13-ish weeks I was sitting at work and my left arm started to go numb and my vision was blurring. This was the third time that I had this sensation while pregnant and it felt like it was maybe the new normal. I had mentioned it to my doctor but without any other symptoms there was nothing that he could really do. But this third time everything seemed to be heightened. I laid my head down on my desk thinking I was just tired or maybe hungry as I had not had lunch yet. I started to ask my co worker a question at which point I knew by the look on her face that what I had said didn't make sense. I tried to speak again and realized I couldn't really communicate. At the time I wasn't thinking maybe this was a stroke or something weird happening. I was really frustrated that I couldn't communicate. I tried writing something down and that made no sense either. I tried to text Jonathan and that didn't make sense either. I was finally able to speak again and called my doctor and informed them what was going on. They told me to immediately go to the emergency room. Jonathan drove me there and again we had this feeling of terror. What had happened to me? Were the babies ok? After 3 days in the hospital and many scary tests that a pregnant woman shouldn't have we found out that they don't know what happened for sure. It was either a mini stroke, caused by a possible blood disorder or an atypical migraine that gives stroke like symptoms. Currently I am on blood thinners for the possible blood disorder and take magnesium in case it is the migraines. Either way we are taking precaution and were so thankful to God for taking care of us.
At about 18 weeks we found out that we were having two little girls. I had a feeling from the beginning that we would be having two girls. I don't know what it was, but I just had a feeling. Turns out I was right. So please pray for Jonathan living in a house full of women.
Right now I'm about 24, 25-ish weeks pregnant. I'm so excited and terrified at the same time. It still doesn't feel real a lot of the time. I want to pinch myself like I'm living a dream. I'm amazed at the gift we have been given and terrified that we will be in charge of the physical, mental and spiritual well being of these little girls. The realization during this pregnancy and what God has, I think finally beaten into my head is that, no matter how long I have wanted struggled, prayed and worried about getting pregnant and being pregnant and now about these little girls I now carry, they are His. They always have been and they always will be!
I leave you with a sneak peak at these precious little ones.
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